Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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