I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize