i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
