im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
