you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
