the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
