sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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