I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
