i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just found puke in my bra..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
