is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
