You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
