new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
