I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
