if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
