I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
