You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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