just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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