Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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