I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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