guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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