just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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