You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
