I heard we made out
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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