Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
