i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
