im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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