you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
