My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
