What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
