Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
