ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
