The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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