It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
