He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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