Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize