By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
