He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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