She announced her abortion via fbk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
