just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
