drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
