Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
