the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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