i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
