Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
