I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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