Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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