i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
