I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
