THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
