he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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