You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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