You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
