dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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