Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
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