I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
