The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize