The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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