we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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