Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
