Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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