I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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