coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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