I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
