4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She is in my trunk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
