Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
