Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize