i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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