Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
