Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize