I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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