I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
