I bet he comes in French.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
