i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
