I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
