if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
