every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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