i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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