He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
