Duck Duck Cougar?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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