I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
