Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
