that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Say something about gay babies.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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