I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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