I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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