So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
