No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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