Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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