The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
