too bad you live with your parents still
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I believe in your delicious
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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